My Not so Black or Intact Stallion

I’ll admit that I’ve been away. The second week of school passed by uneventfully so I felt that I had nothing to write about.

The weekend before last I went home and participated in the North Country Hounds Hunter Pace with Amanda, Anna and Violet (all people mind you, not ponies). It was an absolute blast and Pirate was a gem! We rode over eleven miles in three hours through the heart of a valley. The foliage was just starting to turn and we had excellent weather for the ride. The farm it was based out of was like walking into my wildest dreams of what type of a farm I would someday love to have. Pirate was a super good boy once he quieted down a bit and Anna gave me a pep talk that included the reminder of the need to breathe and that this was in fact fun. Well he calmed down enough to enjoy himself and we even jumped about a third of the fences! I love jumping with Pirate; he’s forward and smart about the jump and even if I misjudge the distance he’s a star and is able to correct for me. I also enjoy that he’s not stupid and if I’m feeling a bit too nervous about a fence he’ll help me through it. Sometimes I wish that we were at the point to jump some of the more advanced lines or bigger stuff, however, I’m still learning as he’s relearning that we can jump in a relaxed way. Sometimes I think about toeing the line or pushing faster and then I remind myself that good foundations make houses that last a lifetime and that’s the way that strong and safe horses are built. Either way it was rewarding to go home and to be able to just go and do the hunter pace and to have the confidence that I had built his stamina to be able to handle the distance, albeit he was drenched in sweat, and that Pirate has become confident enough to even have led for some of the pace. I feel proud of the work I’ve done with him and it makes me feel like when the time comes (hopefully sooner rather than later!), I’ll be able to have a large presence in the training or working of the horse, although I’m still going to work very closely with a trainer. I’m still aware that I have so much to learn and that’s part of the reason why I love this sport and these amazing being so much.

a sweaty but happy Pi

some of the beautiful landscape we rode through

Being able to ride Pirate and to communicate so well with him led me to have my “black stallion” moment. Yes I’m talking about Walter Farley’s classic that inspires every little girl to go ride a horse, although I’d been in and around horses before I could read, and that they’d be able to tame the wild beast. Well let’s be honest here, Pirate is not a wild beast; in fact he’s rather lazy- enough to have garnered the title of “swamp monster” while I’m away and he’s out of work. When I first started riding him four years ago I was just recovering from a nasty spill, that I would later find out actually sprained my back and led to an entire summer of intensive physical therapy and has left me with chronic back pain. I had been rehabbing an abused horse nick named Bucky Chucky– ya folks I actually got on and rode a horse called that. He was super sweet on the ground but would, yes you guessed it, buck fiercely when being ridden if he was asked to canter or do too much. I impacted on my spine, luckily while wearing my impact vest, in the field and ended up in the E.R. with intense pain. After this my mother told me that if I was going to get back on a horse I needed to do it in a lesson setting with the trainer my friend was with. I agreed and started lessons at Seventh Heaven (before Amanda was there) and ultimately with Pirate. We were both hot messes and needed a lot of work, Pi was super stiff and needed groundwork; while I needed to heal and be in a safe place to learn. Over these past four years he and I have formed a bond and have learned how to communicate well enough that I can feel his communications. This summer cemented our bond thoroughly and we both improved immensely, although we still are hot messes- just not as big. Going on the Hunter Pace was that ah ha, black stallion moment where all of the hard work, miscommunications, trepidations, poop (he poops a lot in the aisleway and very spitefully) and determination resulted in a glorious day of riding with him and some of my friends. Those moments are what I live for and certainly what I aim for in working with horses. Yes there was a ribbon to be won, no we didn’t even get close to the ribbon, but who cares. If I was in this sport for the ribbons I would’ve quit ages ago.

This past weekend the MECA Metalsmithing and Jewelry Design program went to NYC. We stopped at Ornamentum Gallery on the way down and one of the owners Stefan took some time from his very busy day to spend some time talking with us and show us some of the work. We then travelled down to the city and the next day had a workshop with Charon Kransen. His words and his collection were invaluable and eye opening. I was able to handle and even put on a Jacqueline Ryan brooch, and it just happened to be my favorite by her!

can you tell how excited I was?

I also tried on another one of her brooches that I also like. It was amazing to be able to handle the work and even put it on.

After an intense and five hour workshop/visit with Charon we took a break to eat some really good food and went to the Met. I’ll admit that I’m a museum whore; absolutely one hundred percent cannot get enough time in museums. I’m the person who could live in a museum for a month and still not be done looking at all of the things. Poor Mitch has no clue what’s coming his way if we go to the museum together….. his Marine endurance and survival training might just be put to the test. I just love looking at the objects that shape our world, and more importantly I want to know why. I want to know why a mosaic has that crack I want to know why the etruscan gold has a repeating granulation pattern. Basically I’m the nosiest nelly ever when it concerns art history.

 

the Met was also beautiful to look at in the dark with it’s architecture

The next day we went to MAD (Museum of Art and Design) to view the biennial and to look at their permanent collections. I wasn’t really into the biennial, however, the permanent jewelry collection had some gems.

Harlan Butt

 

Hiroshi Suzuki

 

John Prip

 

Robert Ebendorf

 

John Paul Miller

and another one of my idols: Mary Lee Hu

After the MAD we went to Brooklyn Metalworks and I had an informative conversation about technical mumbo jumbo in regards to studio set up. I managed to see a friend from high school that I hadn’t seen in years. We don’t keep in touch but it feels like we never missed a beat everytime we get together. I managed to take the subway, which was a big deal because it just doesn’t exist in Vermont and I’d never been to New York, by myself after taking it a couple of times with some studiomates. I’ll admit that while New York is cool I wouldn’t want to live their and Florence was actually much more intense in terms of dealing with people and navigating. Overall I’m really glad that I went to New York and I had a really good time.

School School School

The first week of school has happened and it’s finally hitting that I’m a senior. I’ve begun studio work already and am working with a couple of designs. I don’t like to post from my sketchbook as it’s my idea vault and until something comes to fruition that vault is sealed to the internet. I received 1 1/2 pounds of horse hair from the supplier I use. I’m excited because I took the step and ordered white hair. It’s a big step because of the financial investment due to the expense of the white hair. I’ve already begun using some and I’m happy to report that it’s just a lovely as I’d hoped it would be. My other classes seem to be okay and I’m hoping I can work smartly enough to avoid any late nights. I’ve already written three papers and given a presentation if that gives any indication of how the year will be paced.

my own special kind of stupid/torture is a braid using forty hairs

a close up of some previous work using horse hair and silk (don’t worry that braid had seventy hairs not forty)

I did get a special visitor in Portland. Mitch the super boyfriend came up and visited for a weekend which was stupendous to have time just to ourselves with no set timeline. He also showed off his super powers again by coming home to help me with Sassy. I’m not sure if he knows just how kind and truly wonderful that he is, however, I am fully aware and aware of how lucky I am to have him in my life. We even celebrated two months together this past week.

If you’re interested in seeing what I’m doing in a more established way of me sharing feel free to check out my instagram.

Letting Sassy Go

I’ve been avoiding posting for a while and it’s not from lack of trying to write. When something is written and then “published” there is a finite air about it and doing so means that I cement in a major change and loss rather permanently. Yes there has been a lot of really happy things in my life, and it compounds how a single moment or event can overshadow such a larger span of time and happenings. I’ll admit that in avoiding facing and acknowledging this moment I’ve instead pushed into being present in the moment instead of being more of at the edge and documenting everything. The moment which I’ve even been dancing around writing down and out is that I have to let my Sassy cat go. She’s had fourteen wonderful years with me starting as a kitten from a Veteran whose cat had kittens while he was in the hospital. The reality of losing her is so very hard for me. She is in pain and her hind end doesn’t work well anymore. Earlier this summer we had a scare with her and I had thought that she’d rebounded fully. In reality her health went downhill very fast and it is neither kind or fair (I despise that word) to keep her here. As I was getting ready to leave for Portland I had my traditional goodbye snuggle and she gave me “the look”. Her eyes told me that what I’d so desperately been trying to avoid and not acknowledge had come. She’s ready to go, and I’m having to let go of one of the most precious things in my life; something that has been a constant for fourteen years will no longer be a constant.

I feel incredibly cruel that I have an ultimate say over whether or not another living being lives or in this case dies. Considering that Sassy has been such a wonderfully independent and caring cat over the years it’s hard to make this decision for her. I’m also ridden with guilt that I’m in Portland while she unknowingly lives out her final days. With school resuming and commitments I made before she went downhill I’m unable to go home until Friday and won’t have much time to grieve before going back to school and my responsibilities. I love her and everything about her and to say goodbye like this is very hard. Unfortunately we’re pushing it for me to even be home to let her go.

I won’t say that I’m putting her down. It diminishes her dignity and any sort of sentient being to say that you’ll be “putting them down”. It sounds degrading and as if she isn’t worth as much as something or someone else. The word euthanasia is also very strong to say. To euthanize something you are literally terminating their life. Those two phrases don’t accurately capture the pain I feel about this, or the guilt. The words don’t express the gaping hole I feel opening in my chest. I’m aware that Sassy is a cat, however, she is family. Returning home from school at the end of each semester she would always spend the first week I was home purring me to sleep to make sure I was asleep because I wouldn’t be able to coming off of the stressful school environment.

So at 10:45 am on September 6th I’ll walk into the veterinary clinic to let her mind go. Then I’ll bring her body home and lay it to rest in a sunny spot she enjoyed and plant flowers over it.